If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
