jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
