I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
