We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
