He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
