From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize