I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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