she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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