bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
