You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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