in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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