he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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