I'm going to jail i love you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
