There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
