remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
