wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
