Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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