i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
