im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
