people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
