Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize