there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
