I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
