i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
