im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
