Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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