you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A+ Viking dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize