if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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