She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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