We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I want a musical about memes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
