This is not my ceiling
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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