great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
