Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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