He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize