I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
