I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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