Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I will pee on everything he values.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
