I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
