i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
