I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
