Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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