if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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