hell yes lets make some ravioli
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize