What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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