upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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