Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize