Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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