i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
