I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize