laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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