I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
