So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
