you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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