Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
