Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
