Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
