I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
