I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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