can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
