your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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