life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
