I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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