You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
