Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
