How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
