I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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