Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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