it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As shirtless as possible
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I forget how to act sober
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
