I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
