I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize