Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
