be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
