Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
