We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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