he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
