1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How naked do you want me to be?
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