When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize