I am puke
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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