Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
