birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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