DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
