Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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