No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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