I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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