think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
