DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize