I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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