I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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