I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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