I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
