how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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