I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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