He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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