Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
