When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
