Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
