a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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