he wants to bone in the snuggie
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
