why didn't you poke me back
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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