So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
