I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
