my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
