we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
